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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25207921">He is Working Through the Unimaginable</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hail_the_gay/pseuds/Hail_the_gay'>Hail_the_gay</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Feels, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Michelle Jones Is a Good Bro, Past Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Whump, Sobbing, Tony's dead</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:54:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,761</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25207921</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hail_the_gay/pseuds/Hail_the_gay</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This reminds him of when Ben died. Floods of tears would billow out, even when he didn’t want them to. Grief came and went in tides. One day he could go to school and the next he was holding in sobs and letting tears stream silently as his mouth formed an oval that was pinched in the middle and his chin quivered. Flash left him alone for a week when he noticed Peter was crying before he could even say anything.</p><p>-<br/>Or 3 times Peter Parker was wracked with grief and no one blamed him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>May Parker (Spider-Man) &amp; Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), May Parker (Spider-Man) &amp; Pepper Potts, May Parker (Spider-Man) &amp; Peter Parker, Michelle Jones &amp; May Parker (Spider-Man), Michelle Jones &amp; Pepper Potts, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Pepper Potts &amp; Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Pepper Potts/Tony Stark (previously), Peter Parker &amp; Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Peter Parker &amp; Pepper Potts, Tony Stark &amp; Peter Parker (previously)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>43</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>He is Working Through the Unimaginable</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey, thanks for reading. This might make you cry. I don't think there are any trigger warnings, but like... grief and crying and stuff. If you think of anything, let me know! Take care of yourselves and remember it's normal to grieve. If you or a family member had a loved one die, my condolences. </p><p>Goodnight, I love you!</p><p>Parker</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <i>If I could spare his life</i>
</p><p>
  <i>                                                                                                   If I could trade his life for mine</i>
</p><p>
  <i>                                                                                                  He'd be standing here right now</i>
</p><p><i>                                                                                    And you would smile, and that would be enough</i><br/>
~~</p><p>Peter curls in on himself, throwing the covers back over his head as a fresh wave of tears surfaced. May had knocked on his door multiple times, reminding him that it’s a Tuesday and he’ll miss the train if he waits any longer.</p><p>He doesn't care about the train.</p><p>This reminds him of when Ben died. Floods of tears would billow out, even when he didn’t want them to. Grief came and went in tides. One day he could go to school and the next he was holding in sobs and letting tears stream silently as his mouth formed an oval that was pinched in the middle and his chin quivered. Flash left him alone for a week when he noticed Peter was crying before he could even say anything.</p><p>He pokes his head out of the covers, catching sight of an Iron-Man poster on the other side of the wall, he looks away, hoping to forget it, since Tony’s face isn’t on the poster. But a picture of him and Tony sits on the dresser right where he looked. Peter is holding up a certificate and Tony stands next to him. They both smile. His throat tightened as he breathed and an onslaught of gut-wrenching sobs tore through his chest. He hears footsteps run down the hallway towards his room but as he slides off the bed, he makes no effort to stop crying. </p><p>May pushes the door open, and he can hear a quiet “Oh, baby” at the sight of him. She pulls him into her lap when she kneels down on the floor. He buries his face in her shoulder, and she wraps her arms around his fragile body, letting him know he’s okay. Which he doesn't believe. He quivers in her arms and she puts her head on his, burying herself into his hair, rocking the both of them back and forth. </p><p>“I’m sorry.” He rasps, out, gasping for air. “I’m so sorry.”</p><p>“No need to be sorry.” She whispers back, finally letting him go a bit. He stays though, laying on her, arms wrapped tightly around her torso and head laying on her shoulder. He’s taller than her now. By three inches, but he feels safe with her. Like a child still, he feels like this has happened before. It probably has. He’s lost too many people in his life not to be rocked back and forth by May. </p><p>“I don’t understand it.”</p><p>“What don’t you understand bambino?” May grew up in an Italian household and tried to keep her heritage with him.</p><p>“Why can’t I stop… crying?! Every time I see a picture of Tony’s face, I just… break. And even not when I’m looking at him. Yesterday I felt fine that morning so I went to school, only to start crying in Chemistry! Sally had to take me outside so I could cry in the hallway instead.”</p><p>“Grief is like a surprise party. Except the party is full of sadness and tears and unexplainable depression. You never know when it’s going to happen. Maybe it’s predictable sometimes, like when you see a picture of Tony’s face. But other times you see something that unconsciously reminds you of him. What did you do in chemistry?”</p><p>“We were going over the periodic table again, even though I know it by heart. It was just a reminder for the dusted.”</p><p>“I know that one of the elements on the periodic table is iron. Right?”</p><p>“Right.”</p><p>“So maybe, seeing the word iron triggered something in the back of your mind that reminded you of Tony.”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe.” Peter sighs, voice going quiet. “I just want it to stop.”</p><p>May takes his face in her hands, studying the red around his eyes and the stains down his cheeks. He looks so tired and pale. “I’m sorry to break it to you dolcezza, but it won’t stop. After a while, it’ll simmer down, but it will never actually stop. You could be 32, happily married with kids, long past this, and you’ll have days where you’re overcome with sorrow and pain and you can’t stop it. Just promise me that you won’t bottle it up or put it on the back burner. Sometimes you need to grieve, and it’s normal. So don’t ignore it, it’s healthy to grieve.”</p><p>Peter nods, silent.</p><p>                                                                                                                  ~~~</p><p>Peter sits in the passenger seat of May’s Honda. They twist and turn down paved roads next to a cliff till they turn onto a dirt one. A cabin sits at the end of the road and Peter can see that on the porch, Pepper Potts sits with a young girl he’s met once before. At Tony’s funeral. He knows her to be Morgan Stark, acclaimed 5-year-old sass machine. Pepper is listening to the little girl animatedly talk, throwing her arms every which way and moving her mouth at impeccable speed. May pulls into the driveway and stops the car. Peter sighs and closes his eyes for a moment. May turns to him.</p><p>“Are you ok?”</p><p>“Yeah, just give me a minute.” He breathes, head in his hands. This is the first time he’s seen Pepper in person since the funeral. May has gone over to drop off dinner multiple times, but Peter never went with her, he was too busy crying. May nods and gets out of the car, Pepper meeting her halfway for a hug. Peter looks up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He moves out of the car and towards May. Halfway through his journey, he’s stopped by a small body ramming into his legs. The air is knocked out of him but he looks down to see Morgan clutching onto his calves, Head looking up at him, chin resting on his thighs. He smiles at her.</p><p>“Hi Petey! I haven’t seen you in forever. Except for the picture in our kitchen. Of you and Daddy!” She smiles. Peter’s breath hitches in his throat. The picture. The one of him and Tony with his internship certificate. </p><p>“Hi Morgan.” He reaches under her arms and hefts her onto his hip, so he can finish his trek to May. He stands beside May, who takes Morgan from him, when she’s automatically more excited to see her than stay with him. He gives a hug to Pepper, who greets him cheerfully. Too cheerfully. He hasn’t seen her in months and she doesn't seem bothered. If he were Pepper, he’d be a little pissed at his ignoring her. </p><p>“It’s good to see you Peter.” She says, embracing him tightly.</p><p>“It’s good to see you too.” He says back, a smile on his face. They all move inside, where a pot of Fettuccine Alfredo sits on the table, four spots set. He sits next to May and across from Morgan. He’s silent for most of the dinner, answering questions when asked, like, “How are you doing in school?” “Good, all A’s.” and “Favorite TV show currently?” “Brooklyn 99.” and goes back to chowing down on the pasta. He’s halfway through his second bowl when Morgan speaks up again. Peter prepares himself for another rampant story about her best friend at school, Cassidy but it’s different.</p><p>“Hey Petey?”</p><p>“Yes Mo-Mo?”</p><p>“Why are you so stupid?” The question sounds purely innocent and purely Tony. Pepper shrieks. </p><p>“Morgan! You can’t say things like that.” Peter doesn't care that Morgan called him stupid. Because it sounded like Tony calling him stupid.</p><p>“What! I heard Daddy call him stupid once. On a video in the garage!” Probably security feeds from the lab at the tower that got sent to the Cabin’s feed. FRIDAY runs all.</p><p>“I have to go.” Peter pushes the seat away from the table and rushes outside, throwing the door open and closed as he sits against the side of the house, head buried in his arms. He can hear Pepper opening the door and her bare feet hitting the wood. He ignores it, she can find him. He’ll just be here. His body is racked with weeps and cries. Ugly howls move from his mouth, and ripples of tears pour down his cheeks and neck and onto his shirt. He shakes unnaturally, and he feels a light hand on his back and he freezes in fear and embarrassment. </p><p>“Hey.” Pepper starts, sitting down next to him, knees pulled up to her chest. “I’m sorry about her.”</p><p>“It’s not…” He pauses, catching his breath. “It’s not about her calling me stupid.”</p><p>“What is it then?”</p><p>“She looks so much like him. I can swear he manifests through her.”</p><p>Pepper hums in agreement, a sad look crossing her face. “I understand.”</p><p>“It’s hard enough to look at her. She’s a wonderful little girl, don’t get me wrong. But she looks so much like him. It’s…”</p><p>“Unfair.” Pepper finishes. “It’s hard to listen to her sometimes. She gets on these ramblings and science is already her favorite subject. I told her when she’s older. In high school older, she can work on cars for her class and she seemed a little dismissive of it at first and then I told her what it entails and now she can’t wait till she’s 14. She seems like the mechanics side of her dad currently, but I’m still waiting for the chemistry or bio side to show up.” </p><p>Peter nods. “She seems crazy smart for her age.”</p><p>“I don’t think Kindergarten is challenging enough, but you see her talk about Cassidy, I don’t want to move her up a grade. Or make her feel pressured to do super well in school. I don’t want to give her an early send off. Tony had a hard time in college, being so young.”</p><p>“I’d assume that was horrible. I wouldn’t want to give her that either. But maybe she’d get a Rhodey.” Peter says, laughing slightly, wiping tears from his face. Pepper wraps her arm around Peter, squeezing his arm and shoulder. “I’m sorry Pepper.”</p><p>“What are you sorry for?” She asks.</p><p>“For freaking out on you, and running out and hiding on the side of the house.”</p><p>“As long as you’re safe and not on the roof, you have nothing to be sorry for.”</p><p>That sends fresh tears through him, his body is coursing with shakes and sobs. Pepper just presses a kiss to the side of his forehead and squeezes her arm tighter around him. </p><p>“I get it Peter and I understand why this is happening. Some days I can’t get out of bed. I reach over and Tony isn’t there. So I go to the garage to see if he’s working on a car and he’s not there. And I fall to the floor, remembering he <i>can’t</i> be there anymore. Happy takes Morgan to school and Rhodey checks on me through the day, bringing me food and putting on a show so I can focus on anything else. So I understand why you feel as much grief as there are stars in the sky. You don’t need to feel any shame. You can drive, right?”</p><p>“Just barely.”</p><p>“Well, if you ever have a day where you can’t go to school, why don’t you drive down here. Or send me a text, I’ll pick you up, and we can just eat ice cream and popcorn and rewatch old movies and Brooklyn 99.”</p><p>“Thank you Pepper. Thank you, thank you.” Peter turns, wrapping both his arms around Pepper, and squeezing her tight, she smiles and returns the embrace.</p><p>“You’re welcome Peter. Anytime.” She presses another kiss to his head and they sit there.</p><p>                                                                                                                              ~~~</p><p>“You got a letter, Peter.” Peter looks up towards May, who’s holding out a white envelope towards him. MIT’s logo is on the return address and he freezes. This is his dream school. Even since he knew it existed, he wanted to go. MJ slaps his arm excitedly, smiling.</p><p>“Open it! Open it!” She chants. So he does. His fingers rip through the top of the paper, revealing the letter inside. </p><p>“Read it! Read it!” MJ chants once more. He reads the top of the letter out loud.</p><p>“Dear Peter, on behalf of the admissions committee, it is my pleasure to invite you to MIT’s class of 2024.” He reads, shakily.</p><p>MJ grins at him. “Keep going.”</p><p>“You were viewed as a promising student out of the competitive pool. Your letters of recommendation from Dr. Tony Stark.” His voice breaks at the name. “And Miss Pepper Potts were impeccable and we’d like to offer you a Stark Scholarship this coming year. We see you as someone who will thrive within our academic environment and add to our diverse pool of students.”</p><p>“Peter! You got in!” MJ throws her arms around him. He returns the embrace, only to start crying.</p><p>“Oh Peter, don’t cry, you got in.” MJ turns his face to hers, pressing her thumbs against his cheeks, wiping the tears away. She whispers, telling him not to cry. MJ turns off the show they were watching and takes the letter from his hand, placing it gently next to her. Peter breaks down completely. His eyes are shut tightly and clenched fists are digging into the eyelid. MJ pulls his hands away and unfurls them, kissing his palms.</p><p>“Hey, do you want to tell him?” She says quietly. Peter breathes in gasps and nods. </p><p>“May? We’re going to be in Brooklyn.” MJ shouts to the woman, grabbing her shoes and putting them on. She grabs Peter’s jacket and throws it at him. He smiles a thanks and slides it on. They step outside and start walking, breathing cold March air. Peter’s hand is in MJ’s pocket and MJ’s hand is in her own, their fingers clasp together and MJ squeezes Peter’s hand, as a form of comfort and reassurance.</p><p>They walk down the steps to the subway platforms and wait for the next train that’s making a stop in Brooklyn. The F train comes into view and when fully stopped, the couple step on, taking a seat. The train fills and the couple eventually gives up their seats to a woman with a prosthetic leg and her friend. They both notice Peter’s blotchy skin and red eyes but don’t comment, most likely passing it off as allergies. </p><p>The train comes to their stop and they step off, climbing the steep stairs and ambling down streets to get to Cypress Hills Cemetery. The couple turn onto Jamaica Avenue and walk familiar paths to a headstone. </p><p> </p><p>                                                                                                          <i>Anthony Edward Stark</i></p><p>
  <i>                                                                                             Loving Father, Husband, Son, and Teammate</i>
</p><p>
  <i>                                                                                                            Earth’s Greatest Defender</i>
</p><p>
  <i>                                                                                                        May 29, 1970 - April 25, 2023</i>
</p><p> </p><p>“Um. Hey, Mr. Stark.” Peter starts, quiet. “I’ve got some exciting news. I got into MIT! Just like you wanted.” He kneels down in front of the headstone. “I’m going to be studying Biochemistry, most likely. But I’ll minor in Chemical Engineering, so that’ll be fun. I got MJ here with me.”</p><p>“Hi, Mr. Stark.” She says, quietly. She never knew Tony personally, but she’s had many a girls night with Pepper and May, so she’d say she’s pretty close with the family.</p><p>“She got into Harvard. She’ll be majoring in Journalism, minoring in Business. If she feels like it, probably law school, afterwards.” They sit in silence for a moment. “I hope you’re proud. I’m sure you are. I can tell.”</p><p>He sighs, letting silent tears pour down his face. “Pepper doesn't like coming here. She does, she replaces the flowers sometimes, she brings Morgan. Though she doesn't quite understand. They’re doing good though. Morgan is ending her Kindergarten year, Pepper is feeling better. We all miss you though. Even those who didn’t get the chance to know you.”</p><p>The couple sits in silence, minutes pass and they see people pass on the trails behind them, minding their own business. MJ kneels next to him, placing an arm around him. Peter’s tears turn to ugly sobs of sorrow and MJ just rocks them back and forth, ignoring by-passers. </p><p>“Hey, baby. Let’s go, alright? The next train back to Queens is in 15 minutes, we can make it.” MJ starts once Peter’s stopped crying.</p><p>“Ok, yeah. Alright.” Peter replies, wiping tears from his face. “Bye, Mr. Stark. I love you.” Peter places a hand on the top of the grave, gripping the edges with his palm. He smiles, eyes closed, before releasing his grip and letting MJ guide him back to the subway station.</p>
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